| Letter to Mom: continued (page 2) |
Mom, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about or feel responsible for. As far as current research can determine, the
causes of gender dysphoria or transsexualism are the result of hormonal influences and imbalances prior to birth while
in the embryonic stage. The result is an individual can develop anatomical features of one sex while having the gender
of the other. No modern theory of transgender behaviors finds a basis in "faulty upbringing" as the cause for my
condition.
Prior to this, for the past forty years, nothing helped and nothing stopped my feelings which were becoming more
unbearable. I felt I was a woman inside and was not happy the things were, but could do nothing to help it or stop it.
Now I've never been more happy or at ease. I no longer have the mental anguish and a lot of minor physical afflictions
that I had have disappeared. I now suspect that many of them had been psychosomatic.
Also mom, this is a very slow process that is checked and double checked time and time again. There is no requirement
that you keep progressing and one may, and is encouraged to, stop the journey at any point along the way. In fact, one
is encouraged to not proceed any further than what one is comfortable with. This brings me to where I am at:
The following is a list of what I am going through mom:
1. Periodic sessions with a psychiatrist who is experienced in gender issues. I
also must obtain a second opinion before being approved for SRS (Sex
Reassignment Surgery).
2. Hormonal Reassignment: which, as I previously stated, has already been
initiated since August of 1995 and which I am continuing.
3. Electrolysis: to remove my facial hair which has been very painful and way too
slow. I'm down to about six hours a month and about 50% finished.
4. Real Life Test: I am being required to live as female 24 hours a day in all
situations . This is to help me be sure I can adjust prior to having Sex
Reassignment Surgery.
5. Name Change: which has been delayed due to a number of legal problems
but which will become effective later this summer (it's already been filed and
is pending on the Court Docket). The name I am going by is Linda Anne
Simpson and will become my legal name.
6. Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS): I guess you could call this simply having some cosmetic surgery. I do not plan to
proceed to this step until 1997 but I've already contacted some surgeons who do this procedure (there are about 30
worldwide). I've done my homework and research on the different surgeons and have settled on one or two at this time.
Mom, this is not an attempt to turn a man into a woman, that is not possible. This is simply correcting something that
was wrong at birth. Also, this is not about sex, this is about gender. Sex has nothing to do with it and there is a saying in
the community that sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears. I know it may sound funny but this is very true.
I know it is very difficult for you in dealing with the shock of this, and I don't think I can ever say I understand fully just
how you feel. Likewise, I don't believe that anyone, except maybe another transsexual, fully knows what I am going
through and what I have experienced. Again it is important for me to tell you that nothing you or dad did was
responsible for my condition and, in fact, I had a very happy childhood outside of my gender conflict.
I have been accepted by my friends, family and co-workers as Linda and have not had any adverse responses. In fact,
there has been such a positive response in most instances I have been pleasantly surprised. On another positive note it
appears times are changing and people are becoming more accepting and understanding these days. You wouldn't hold
it against anyone who had any other medical problem such as cancer or diabetes so why hold any prejudice against my
situation. Still, I am realistic enough to know I will encounter problems with some people. I am strong and can handle
any hurdles that arise (they're nothing compared to what I've been through in life).
Jeri and our children are 100% behind me, we've discussed the good and the bad and are prepared for whatever the
future holds. Life, could not be better!
Thank you for your love and help over the years and I pray you won't abandon me or stop loving me over this. I do not
expect you to accept my situation, I just ask that you try to be understanding. I know it has been difficult. I wish I could
see you more often and could be there to help with a lot of what you're facing but, as you know, my career has kept us
separated by many miles and many years.
Thank you mom, I love you.
Linda
causes of gender dysphoria or transsexualism are the result of hormonal influences and imbalances prior to birth while
in the embryonic stage. The result is an individual can develop anatomical features of one sex while having the gender
of the other. No modern theory of transgender behaviors finds a basis in "faulty upbringing" as the cause for my
condition.
Prior to this, for the past forty years, nothing helped and nothing stopped my feelings which were becoming more
unbearable. I felt I was a woman inside and was not happy the things were, but could do nothing to help it or stop it.
Now I've never been more happy or at ease. I no longer have the mental anguish and a lot of minor physical afflictions
that I had have disappeared. I now suspect that many of them had been psychosomatic.
Also mom, this is a very slow process that is checked and double checked time and time again. There is no requirement
that you keep progressing and one may, and is encouraged to, stop the journey at any point along the way. In fact, one
is encouraged to not proceed any further than what one is comfortable with. This brings me to where I am at:
The following is a list of what I am going through mom:
1. Periodic sessions with a psychiatrist who is experienced in gender issues. I
also must obtain a second opinion before being approved for SRS (Sex
Reassignment Surgery).
2. Hormonal Reassignment: which, as I previously stated, has already been
initiated since August of 1995 and which I am continuing.
3. Electrolysis: to remove my facial hair which has been very painful and way too
slow. I'm down to about six hours a month and about 50% finished.
4. Real Life Test: I am being required to live as female 24 hours a day in all
situations . This is to help me be sure I can adjust prior to having Sex
Reassignment Surgery.
5. Name Change: which has been delayed due to a number of legal problems
but which will become effective later this summer (it's already been filed and
is pending on the Court Docket). The name I am going by is Linda Anne
Simpson and will become my legal name.
6. Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS): I guess you could call this simply having some cosmetic surgery. I do not plan to
proceed to this step until 1997 but I've already contacted some surgeons who do this procedure (there are about 30
worldwide). I've done my homework and research on the different surgeons and have settled on one or two at this time.
Mom, this is not an attempt to turn a man into a woman, that is not possible. This is simply correcting something that
was wrong at birth. Also, this is not about sex, this is about gender. Sex has nothing to do with it and there is a saying in
the community that sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears. I know it may sound funny but this is very true.
I know it is very difficult for you in dealing with the shock of this, and I don't think I can ever say I understand fully just
how you feel. Likewise, I don't believe that anyone, except maybe another transsexual, fully knows what I am going
through and what I have experienced. Again it is important for me to tell you that nothing you or dad did was
responsible for my condition and, in fact, I had a very happy childhood outside of my gender conflict.
I have been accepted by my friends, family and co-workers as Linda and have not had any adverse responses. In fact,
there has been such a positive response in most instances I have been pleasantly surprised. On another positive note it
appears times are changing and people are becoming more accepting and understanding these days. You wouldn't hold
it against anyone who had any other medical problem such as cancer or diabetes so why hold any prejudice against my
situation. Still, I am realistic enough to know I will encounter problems with some people. I am strong and can handle
any hurdles that arise (they're nothing compared to what I've been through in life).
Jeri and our children are 100% behind me, we've discussed the good and the bad and are prepared for whatever the
future holds. Life, could not be better!
Thank you for your love and help over the years and I pray you won't abandon me or stop loving me over this. I do not
expect you to accept my situation, I just ask that you try to be understanding. I know it has been difficult. I wish I could
see you more often and could be there to help with a lot of what you're facing but, as you know, my career has kept us
separated by many miles and many years.
Thank you mom, I love you.
Linda
P.S. - I've included information on Transsexualism, the Medical and Psychiatric Standards of Care, and some other
relevant information. Please take the time to look things over.
relevant information. Please take the time to look things over.
| "Advice is what we ask for when we already knew the answer, but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong |
It became so intense, the woman inside me mom, that I finally had to do something about it and could not stand living
as I was. I still had little information and was not finding anything new since my college days. I no longer had a choice
in the matter. Mom, I wanted to be happy and no longer tortured by my inner self. Most of all I just wanted to be who
I am.
I still felt that I must be one of the few people in the world who had transsexual feelings. I spent a lifetime in fear of
saying anything to anyone and I finally decided to confide in my life's partner, Jeri. Hoping for the best and praying
she would not leave me I decided to finally tell her. I found, in Jeri, a supportive, loving and caring person. She not
only helped me through everything but also encouraged me to find myself; where ever that may lead.
That was several years ago and we have proceeded slowly. At first we tried crossdressing and I was horrified. Even
with Jeri's help I felt I was "too big, too old, and too male" to ever look female. I was terrified and depressed at what I
saw. Despite these early set backs Jeri and I continued to explore and look for information.
At work I was assigned to the Violent Crime Unit and was Detective in charge of Sex Crimes Investigations. As a
result, one day while checking an adult bookstore as part of my job duties Jeri was with me and spotted a magazine
devoted to crossdressing. We bought the magazine which lead to a whole world that I had been unaware of. We found
books, magazines, psychological reports, personal accounts, support groups, social groups, medical professionals, and
clinics that all dealt with this problem.
We proceeded slowly and studied everything but it didn't take much time for me to learn that I wasn't a crossdresser
but was in fact a transsexual. A feeling that I have always felt. I finally sought medical help after having my diagnosis
confirmed by a Psychiatrist, counselors, and peer counselors. I began to transition my body from male to female to
match that which my mind has always been. The reassignment regimen that I am taking is a slow process that has to
be checked and re-checked by various medical and psychiatric personnel. Though I am certain of the eventual
outcome, there is no encouragement to proceed from one step to the next. The final surgery is only granted if you
meet all criteria and request it.
Currently I have been hormonally reassigned since August of 1995. I take large doses or Premarin, a female
hormone, and Spironolactone which is a steroid that suppresses my body from producing male hormones. At last I see
an image of myself that I would have never thought possible. I no longer feel I am too big, too old, or too male looking or
that it is too impossible to achieve. I may not be as beautiful as I'd like (oh well) but at least I no longer look like Rick in a
dress either.
as I was. I still had little information and was not finding anything new since my college days. I no longer had a choice
in the matter. Mom, I wanted to be happy and no longer tortured by my inner self. Most of all I just wanted to be who
I am.
I still felt that I must be one of the few people in the world who had transsexual feelings. I spent a lifetime in fear of
saying anything to anyone and I finally decided to confide in my life's partner, Jeri. Hoping for the best and praying
she would not leave me I decided to finally tell her. I found, in Jeri, a supportive, loving and caring person. She not
only helped me through everything but also encouraged me to find myself; where ever that may lead.
That was several years ago and we have proceeded slowly. At first we tried crossdressing and I was horrified. Even
with Jeri's help I felt I was "too big, too old, and too male" to ever look female. I was terrified and depressed at what I
saw. Despite these early set backs Jeri and I continued to explore and look for information.
At work I was assigned to the Violent Crime Unit and was Detective in charge of Sex Crimes Investigations. As a
result, one day while checking an adult bookstore as part of my job duties Jeri was with me and spotted a magazine
devoted to crossdressing. We bought the magazine which lead to a whole world that I had been unaware of. We found
books, magazines, psychological reports, personal accounts, support groups, social groups, medical professionals, and
clinics that all dealt with this problem.
We proceeded slowly and studied everything but it didn't take much time for me to learn that I wasn't a crossdresser
but was in fact a transsexual. A feeling that I have always felt. I finally sought medical help after having my diagnosis
confirmed by a Psychiatrist, counselors, and peer counselors. I began to transition my body from male to female to
match that which my mind has always been. The reassignment regimen that I am taking is a slow process that has to
be checked and re-checked by various medical and psychiatric personnel. Though I am certain of the eventual
outcome, there is no encouragement to proceed from one step to the next. The final surgery is only granted if you
meet all criteria and request it.
Currently I have been hormonally reassigned since August of 1995. I take large doses or Premarin, a female
hormone, and Spironolactone which is a steroid that suppresses my body from producing male hormones. At last I see
an image of myself that I would have never thought possible. I no longer feel I am too big, too old, or too male looking or
that it is too impossible to achieve. I may not be as beautiful as I'd like (oh well) but at least I no longer look like Rick in a
dress either.
