| Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings to learn from. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross |
INITIAL CONCERNS PRIOR TO TRANSITION:
Our first concern was how to break the news to our oldest daughter who was 10 at the time. This turned out to be a
non-issue. The fact that Jessica and I had always been very close, combined with Jeri's unconditional love,
acceptance and support, resulted in Jessica's support and acceptance also.
From informal research, the children's acceptance or rejection of one of their parents transsexualism is closely related
to the partner / spouse / significant others reaction to the situation. If the other parent is accepting the children tend to
accept the transsexual parent. Likewise if the other parent rejects their spouse's gender conflict the children are
likely to follow suit.
Our two youngest children were just babies at the time. Instead of a negative experience we felt our children could
experience a unique opportunity in growing up in a diverse family. Our goal was they would find nothing out of the
ordinary but a normal loving family and could see first hand the beauty in the differences that make up individuals. To
embrace the person and not to simply judge on appearances. Our hopes were they would develop a more rounded
outlook toward people and life as a result.
Jeri and I discussed concerns as to what the children might face from the community with same-sex parents, one being
transsexual. From our research we found only negative accounts of what to expect: ostracism by neighbors,
abandonment by friends, and harassment by the media. To compound the situation we were both Police Officers in a
small Wyoming City which made anonymity impossible. We were well known throughout the city and with the media.
Although there was some literature to be found in support of gay and lesbian parents, which seems to be gaining
acceptance, transsexual parents were still viewed as an extreme aberration. Not fit to be part of the community and
certainly not fit to be a parent.
Despite the reams of negative information that abounds we decided to pursue transition, certain that our love and
support of one another would overcome any adversity encountered. After all, what is a family? To us it is to love,
support, protect and nurture one another.
Our first concern was how to break the news to our oldest daughter who was 10 at the time. This turned out to be a
non-issue. The fact that Jessica and I had always been very close, combined with Jeri's unconditional love,
acceptance and support, resulted in Jessica's support and acceptance also.
From informal research, the children's acceptance or rejection of one of their parents transsexualism is closely related
to the partner / spouse / significant others reaction to the situation. If the other parent is accepting the children tend to
accept the transsexual parent. Likewise if the other parent rejects their spouse's gender conflict the children are
likely to follow suit.
Our two youngest children were just babies at the time. Instead of a negative experience we felt our children could
experience a unique opportunity in growing up in a diverse family. Our goal was they would find nothing out of the
ordinary but a normal loving family and could see first hand the beauty in the differences that make up individuals. To
embrace the person and not to simply judge on appearances. Our hopes were they would develop a more rounded
outlook toward people and life as a result.
Jeri and I discussed concerns as to what the children might face from the community with same-sex parents, one being
transsexual. From our research we found only negative accounts of what to expect: ostracism by neighbors,
abandonment by friends, and harassment by the media. To compound the situation we were both Police Officers in a
small Wyoming City which made anonymity impossible. We were well known throughout the city and with the media.
Although there was some literature to be found in support of gay and lesbian parents, which seems to be gaining
acceptance, transsexual parents were still viewed as an extreme aberration. Not fit to be part of the community and
certainly not fit to be a parent.
Despite the reams of negative information that abounds we decided to pursue transition, certain that our love and
support of one another would overcome any adversity encountered. After all, what is a family? To us it is to love,
support, protect and nurture one another.
| Some Thoughts on Linda and Jeri's Parenting Experiences |
TRANSITION:
To our pleasant surprise, and utter amazement, there was very
little ostracism and no harassment as a result of my gender
transition. I was accepted at work, the news media took little
interest, and the community did not respond negatively.
Some friends drifted away, and we determined they were not
true friends after all, while other expressed total support. There
were many surprises in that area too, nearly all positive.
The most favorable result was the children were not harassed,
teased, or abandoned by their friends and acquaintances. While
many had some naturally curious questions, there were only a
few instances where parents stopped their children from their
usual associations. Again, those relationships which were lost
were ones that were determined, in retrospect, not to be genuine
in the first place.
School, play, friends, and activities all remained pretty much the
same after transition as it had been before, with the exception
that their dad was now a girl
To our pleasant surprise, and utter amazement, there was very
little ostracism and no harassment as a result of my gender
transition. I was accepted at work, the news media took little
interest, and the community did not respond negatively.
Some friends drifted away, and we determined they were not
true friends after all, while other expressed total support. There
were many surprises in that area too, nearly all positive.
The most favorable result was the children were not harassed,
teased, or abandoned by their friends and acquaintances. While
many had some naturally curious questions, there were only a
few instances where parents stopped their children from their
usual associations. Again, those relationships which were lost
were ones that were determined, in retrospect, not to be genuine
in the first place.
School, play, friends, and activities all remained pretty much the
same after transition as it had been before, with the exception
that their dad was now a girl
| A Transsexual Stick doll made by my daughter. Jessica made the doll for me in support of my transition |
TRANSITION AND BEYOND:
After transition it was left up to the children as to what they called me and to how they introduce me. They have the
options of calling me "Linda," "Dad" or "Aunt." What we have found is they generally introduce me as Aunt Linda to
someone they have just met and later explain that I am, in fact their father. We leave this decision totally up to them
and their comfort level.
Some ground rules had to be set however. One such rule was they would not call me "Dad" when in the women's
restroom. I don't need to elaborate on the raised eyebrows (to say the least) this caused the first few times it happened.
It also shows the children's comfort level with the family structure and it was perfectly normal to have a female as their
dad. This point was elaborated when we moved to Seattle and Alex had started Kindergarten. I had been picking up
Alex and one of his friends daily from school and giving them a ride home. After about a week Alex's friend asked Alex
a question as I was following them down the sidewalk. His friend asked "who's that and pointed to me." Alex, in a very
unconcerned and normal tone of voice said, "her?" "She's my father." "She used to be a boy but now she's a girl."
The answer was accepted without a wince as did their daily routine and friendship.
As the children have been growing up there seems to be no negative impact from the diverse nature of their family. If
anything, our goals of acceptance of cultural and individual diversity have had visible results in the warm friendships
they have formed with all types of persons from a multitude of backgrounds.
I remain amazed as my seven year old gets e-mails and phone calls from a friend who moved to Korea, or my oldest
daughter is learning French from the neighbors, and Allison is learning Spanish from her best friends mom. It goes
beyond cultural diversity though as Jessica tells a male friend about my experience, presenting positive input and a
show of support as he shares his conflict with her. She asks to loan him books and information as he questions his own
gender and sexual identity.
After transition it was left up to the children as to what they called me and to how they introduce me. They have the
options of calling me "Linda," "Dad" or "Aunt." What we have found is they generally introduce me as Aunt Linda to
someone they have just met and later explain that I am, in fact their father. We leave this decision totally up to them
and their comfort level.
Some ground rules had to be set however. One such rule was they would not call me "Dad" when in the women's
restroom. I don't need to elaborate on the raised eyebrows (to say the least) this caused the first few times it happened.
It also shows the children's comfort level with the family structure and it was perfectly normal to have a female as their
dad. This point was elaborated when we moved to Seattle and Alex had started Kindergarten. I had been picking up
Alex and one of his friends daily from school and giving them a ride home. After about a week Alex's friend asked Alex
a question as I was following them down the sidewalk. His friend asked "who's that and pointed to me." Alex, in a very
unconcerned and normal tone of voice said, "her?" "She's my father." "She used to be a boy but now she's a girl."
The answer was accepted without a wince as did their daily routine and friendship.
As the children have been growing up there seems to be no negative impact from the diverse nature of their family. If
anything, our goals of acceptance of cultural and individual diversity have had visible results in the warm friendships
they have formed with all types of persons from a multitude of backgrounds.
I remain amazed as my seven year old gets e-mails and phone calls from a friend who moved to Korea, or my oldest
daughter is learning French from the neighbors, and Allison is learning Spanish from her best friends mom. It goes
beyond cultural diversity though as Jessica tells a male friend about my experience, presenting positive input and a
show of support as he shares his conflict with her. She asks to loan him books and information as he questions his own
gender and sexual identity.
The anticipated adversity resulting from my gender change never materialized. The impact upon on family life was
negligible and life continued in many ways unchanged. Positive behavioral characteristics were noted such as I was now
a more involved, productive, and happy family member compared to the unhappy soul I had been before. Also, and
most notable, was the children's reaction to diverse persons as a result of our teachings and living by example.
The children have many friends and the change has not impacted their relationships in the neighborhood or at school. I
find our house filled to overflowing with youngsters of 5 and 6 through teenagers, friends and acquaintances of all our
children. Some are aware of our diverse family background and some are not. Their parents seem to be more at ease
sending their children to play in a household that has "two moms" than many that have the traditional structure. This
has been surprising development in the adventure of nurturing our family.
We continue to grow and blossom as a close, loving family; supporting, protecting, and nurturing one another helping
all to develop to their full potential. Like with any interpersonal relationships there are occasional squabbles and
disagreements but never anything serious and never anything that can't be overcome.
I firmly believe the unconditional love and support of my spouse blazed the trail for our children to follow. With love
and understanding the unattainable can be within our grasp and all things become possible.
negligible and life continued in many ways unchanged. Positive behavioral characteristics were noted such as I was now
a more involved, productive, and happy family member compared to the unhappy soul I had been before. Also, and
most notable, was the children's reaction to diverse persons as a result of our teachings and living by example.
The children have many friends and the change has not impacted their relationships in the neighborhood or at school. I
find our house filled to overflowing with youngsters of 5 and 6 through teenagers, friends and acquaintances of all our
children. Some are aware of our diverse family background and some are not. Their parents seem to be more at ease
sending their children to play in a household that has "two moms" than many that have the traditional structure. This
has been surprising development in the adventure of nurturing our family.
We continue to grow and blossom as a close, loving family; supporting, protecting, and nurturing one another helping
all to develop to their full potential. Like with any interpersonal relationships there are occasional squabbles and
disagreements but never anything serious and never anything that can't be overcome.
I firmly believe the unconditional love and support of my spouse blazed the trail for our children to follow. With love
and understanding the unattainable can be within our grasp and all things become possible.
| Halloween 1999 |
Somehow I'm always a little suspicious when someone crossdresses on Halloween. I believe that holiday is the great
excuse for many of us to briefly experience that which has been so painfully denied to us. Be it we use the holiday to
we are questioning. Whatever the reason, I always used Halloween as an excuse to engage in brief expressions of
femininity in a public setting. The experience was exhilarating but always too short.
This year, 1999, I was asked if I was going to participate in this wonderfully pagan and fun event. I thought for a
moment and replied no " I ruined my costume years ago." I no longer have (nor need) to live out the fantasy but I
experience the exhilaration of being myself every day now.
I was shocked yet pleasantly surprised this year when a young teenage boy who lives in our neighborhood approached
us. He is a friend of my children and has become a friend of the family. His own home setting is far from ideal and, at
times, he practically lives at our house.
This Halloween he approached my oldest daughter to help him with his costume. He wanted to be a girl and was
comfortable enough to have my daughter transform him. Jessica naturally came to me for props, some of those
remnants from transition days.
The final result did not look much like a "costume" and she made quite a pretty girl. I noticed she was in no hurry to
get out of "costume" at the end of the night. She seemed to have a wonderful time (which included attending a party
that was for girls part of the night).
Ah! It brought back pleasant memories of Halloween past!
excuse for many of us to briefly experience that which has been so painfully denied to us. Be it we use the holiday to
we are questioning. Whatever the reason, I always used Halloween as an excuse to engage in brief expressions of
femininity in a public setting. The experience was exhilarating but always too short.
This year, 1999, I was asked if I was going to participate in this wonderfully pagan and fun event. I thought for a
moment and replied no " I ruined my costume years ago." I no longer have (nor need) to live out the fantasy but I
experience the exhilaration of being myself every day now.
I was shocked yet pleasantly surprised this year when a young teenage boy who lives in our neighborhood approached
us. He is a friend of my children and has become a friend of the family. His own home setting is far from ideal and, at
times, he practically lives at our house.
This Halloween he approached my oldest daughter to help him with his costume. He wanted to be a girl and was
comfortable enough to have my daughter transform him. Jessica naturally came to me for props, some of those
remnants from transition days.
The final result did not look much like a "costume" and she made quite a pretty girl. I noticed she was in no hurry to
get out of "costume" at the end of the night. She seemed to have a wonderful time (which included attending a party
that was for girls part of the night).
Ah! It brought back pleasant memories of Halloween past!
